I started to develop a crush on him but eventually started to talk to him. We also started to talk online and he seemed much more talkative than in person. He mostly likes to talk about video games, history, technology, spirituality and existence. He has a dark sense of humor that verges on being cruel.
The way we started talking online was that we had each other as friends on Myspace, and I decided to put my aim on my profile to see if he would talk to me. Not long after I put it, I got a message from an unknown sender. I asked how they were and they said I had to guess. I asked how they looked and they said "Tall, dark and handsome". I guessed that it was him but he denied it. Then after a while he finally admitted it was him.
We talked for online for several hours at a time, sometimes into the night. I mentioned Asperger's to him and he asked what the symptoms were. He said it sounded like him. I told him that I was diagnosed with "traits of Asperger's" and how I hated the feeling of sand. He later said that he didn't think he had it because he wasn't afraid of normal things like sand.
He gets defensive when called shy or a geek. I tend to call myself a geek because I am proud to be one. So maybe he doesn't want to be thought of as a geek, or was bullied in the past.
He uses long words but has trouble with spelling. He is very good at History but has trouble with math.
When we talked online, we would sometimes get into disagreements over stupid things, but we would always come back to each other. I really liked him, and thought he liked me. So I told him I liked him and he said he knew but that he had a girlfriend. He was kinda vague about it, that it was complicated. His relationship status was always "Single".
So I felt really bad about it, like he was just stringing me along as an ego boost, so I blocked him and didn't talk to him until next school year. He acted really nice, and I just kinda ignored him. He said I was being awfully quiet and I snapped at him, saying I was busy. We didn't talk much after that.
A little while after graduation I found his profile while randomly browsing a dating website. We started talking again just like old friends. Out of the blue he asked me if I wanted a physical relationship. And I said you mean like friends with benefits? And he said kinda.
I wasn't really sure if it was a good idea, knowing that I had had feelings for him in the past and they would probably return. I called him to tell him no, but he convinced me and we ended up having sex. He didn't want to be touched and really hates being tickled. He didn't attempt to kiss, cuddle or anything. I felt used. He also didn't seem to care if I was "enjoying myself". It was not like rape, but it felt like he didn't care about me or my pleasure.
After researching how males with Asperger's behave in relationships, I realized that he may have been very confused, scared or overstimulated. Or have no idea what he was supposed to be doing.The first time I just went over during the day, but then he wanted me to spend the night.
Most of the time we watched movies or played video games, occasionally having sex. He seemed to sort of shut down if anything emotional happened, and acted like he had no clue how to respond. If he saw me crying, he would try to make me feel better and give me compliments.
After about 8 times (although we had stopped and gotten back together more than once before), I decided I couldn't do it anymore because I felt like I had feelings and he didn't. Of course, that's not how friends with benefits is supposed to work. You're not supposed to develop feelings, but I did.
We didn't talk for a year and a half, but then he found me on other websites I hadn't blocked him on, and we started talking again. He didn't want to use condoms (we hadn't used them at all the other times) but I did. And I always get this vibe that he likes me, maybe even loves me, but can't express it properly.
Am I just being really stupid and naive? Is this guy...
An undiagnosed Aspie?
A normal guy stringing me along for sex?
An abuser?
I am very grateful for any insight. Thank you.
Source: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt220767.html
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